Chaos is our brand, not your checkout experience.
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We kept this part soft on purpose.








New Era Loading Men's Tank Top
Pickup currently unavailable
This tank doesn’t scream change—it quietly announces, "Please Wait..."
Ideal for the gym, the beach, or that midlife renaissance you didn’t schedule. This centered symbol of emotional buffering lets the world know: yes, I’m showing skin and doing internal work. Because reboots deserve room to breathe.
Strong on the outside. Still loading on the inside. That’s growth, baby.
The Fit & Feel:
• Combed ring-spun cotton—extra soft, no emotional splinters
• Soft-washed, tight-knit fabric—smooth enough for spirals and reps
• Sleeveless drop arm—because vulnerability looks better with biceps
• Relaxed fit—flexes with you, even when your coping doesn’t
Made to order—like all good things in life. Your piece is created just for you: slowly, intentionally, and without wasteful stockpiling. That’s why it takes a little longer to arrive—because chaos deserves care, not overproduction. Thank you for letting us bake this with intention.
👕 Unisex Tee Size Chart
| Size Label | Length (in) | Width (in) | Sleeve length (in) |
|---|---|---|---|
| S | 26 ⅝ | 18 ¼ | 16 ¼ |
| M | 28 | 20 ¼ | 17 ¾ |
| L | 29 ⅜ | 22 | 19 |
| XL | 30 ¾ | 24 | 20 ½ |
| 2XL | 31 ⅝ | 26 | 21 ¾ |
| 3XL | 32 ½ | 27 ¾ | 23 ¼ |
| Size Label | Length (cm) | Width (cm) | Sleeve length (cm) |
|---|---|---|---|
| S | 67.6 | 46.4 | 41.3 |
| M | 71 | 51.4 | 45 |
| L | 74.6 | 56 | 48.3 |
| XL | 78 | 61 | 52 |
| 2XL | 80.3 | 66 | 55.2 |
| 3XL | 82.6 | 70.5 | 59 |
💪 Men’s Tank Size Chart
| Size Label | Length (in) | Width (in) |
|---|---|---|
| S | 28 | 18 |
| M | 29 | 20 |
| L | 30 | 22 |
| XL | 31 | 24 |
| 2XL | 32 | 26 |
| 3XL | 33 | 28 |
| Size Label | Length (cm) | Width (cm) |
|---|---|---|
| S | 71 | 45.7 |
| M | 73.7 | 50.8 |
| L | 76.2 | 56 |
| XL | 78.7 | 61 |
| 2XL | 81.3 | 66 |
| 3XL | 83.8 | 71 |
🧘♀️ Women’s Tank Size Chart
| Size Label | Chest (in) | Body Length from Hips (in) |
|---|---|---|
| XS | 14 | 26 ¾ |
| S | 15 | 27 ⅜ |
| M | 16 | 28 |
| L | 17 | 28 ⅝ |
| XL | 18 | 29 ¼ |
| 2XL | 19 | 29 ⅞ |
| Size Label | Chest (cm) | Body Length from Hips (cm) |
|---|---|---|
| XS | 35.6 | 68 |
| S | 38 | 69.5 |
| M | 40.6 | 71 |
| L | 43.2 | 72.7 |
| XL | 45.7 | 74.3 |
| 2XL | 48.3 | 76 |
👜 Unisex Tote Bag Size Chart
| Size | Width (in) | Height (in) |
|---|---|---|
| 15″×15″ | 15 ¾ | 15 ⅜ |
| Size | Width (cm) | Height (cm) |
|---|---|---|
| 15″×15″ | 40 | 39 |
🧢 Retro Hat Size Chart
| Measurement Area | One Size (in) |
|---|---|
| A – Head Circumference | 21 ⅝ – 23 ⅝ |
| B – Crown Height | 3 ⅞ |
| C – Front Panel Height | 2 ½ |
| D – Visor Length | 6 ¾ |
| Measurement Area | One Size (cm) |
|---|---|
| A – Head Circumference | 55 – 60 |
| B – Crown Height | 10 |
| C – Front Panel Height | 6.4 |
| D – Visor Length | 17.1 |
Shipping & Second Chances
Delivery drama? Emotional misfire? We’ve got you.
Whether your chaos is en route or your tee didn’t pass the vibe check, we offer tracking links, returns, and try-again rituals.
No guilt. No shame. Just fresh starts—frosted lightly.
Learn how it works!
Care & Crumble Prevention
Because your garment—and your soul—deserve gentle cycles.
Wash cold. Hang dry. Whisper affirmations into the fabric if needed.
These pieces are emotionally ventilated and may flake under pressure (just like you).
Treat with care, or at least pretend to.
See full care guide.
Ask Auntie!
Spiraling? Ghosted? Still thinking about that thing you said in 2016?
Drop your emotional muffin mess in Auntie’s inbox.
She’ll roast you gently, hold you fiercely, and reply when the moon’s in retro shade.
It’s not therapy. It’s wisdom with edge.
Ask Auntie!
CHAOS MUFFIN
We bring comfort, clarity, and comedy to the emotionally rich (and occasionally unhinged) lives of those who know that growing up is messy, healing is nonlinear, and humour is holy.
Cracked but glowing since 2025
Made with equal parts burnout and butter.


