Ask Auntie

Advice You Didn't Know You Kneaded

Welcome to Ask Auntie—where questions are met with compassion, not condescension. Whether you're spiraling in silence, stuck in a “fine” loop, or just need permission to fall apart productively, Auntie is here—clipboard in hand, ready to listen and lovingly side-eye you toward clarity.

No topic is too tender, taboo, or tangled. From toxic texts and burnout blues to ghosting grief and overfunctioning fatigue,

Auntie doesn't fix you—she finds you in the mess and helps you name it.

Because sometimes, the softest answers come from the muffin who’s been through the most.

Heads up, muffin! This isn't therapy .
Ask Auntie is here for cheeky clarity, tender truths, and emotionally intelligent pep talks—but it’s not a substitute for professional mental health support. If you're in crisis or need deeper help, please reach out to a licensed therapist or crisis line. Auntie loves you, but she doesn’t have a PhD (just a diploma from the School of Emotional Choreography).

So here's how it works...

1. You Write

Submit your question anonymously below (please don't use your real name)—life, feelings, relationships, recovery, or whatever emotional swirl you're in.

2. Auntie Responds

Real talk with tenderness, no algorithms, no diagnosis. Just emotionally fluent guidance from a sass-certified, trauma-informed, fictional pastry.

3. We Publish (Or Not)

Select questions (with your consent) may be answered in the public Ask Auntie column or on socials—with full anonymity, of course.

Ready to crumble out loud?

Alternatively, you can email Auntie at:

askauntie@chaosmuffin.ca

Every now and then...

... a letter lands in Auntie’s inbox that hits just the right mix of tender, messy, and “Wait, am I the drama?”
Here’s one that spiraled into her lap.*

A Letter from "I'm Over It"

Dear Auntie,

I’ve been in an on-again, off-again situationship for 3 years. He doesn’t treat me badly, but he doesn’t exactly show up either. It’s always vague—plans get rescheduled, texts go unanswered for days, emotional check-ins feel like dental work.

But every time I try to let it go, I spiral. I question everything: Was I too much? Did I overreact? What if I never find someone who gets me the way he almost does?

I know I deserve more. But my brain keeps replaying the maybe’s. Maybe he’s scared. Maybe I’m the problem. Maybe this is just what “real” relationships look like these days.

Am I holding on to love—or just clinging to the ghost of potential?

Help. Or slap me.

Love,
I'm Over It

Auntie Says...

Oh sweetheart. Sit down. Auntie’s pouring you tea and taking your phone away for 48 hours.

Let’s begin with this: You’re not in love. You’re in a hostage situation with hope. What you’re describing isn’t connection—it’s emotional breadcrumbing dressed up in a nice voice and half a memory of intimacy.

He doesn’t show up. He doesn’t check in. He doesn’t respond.
But you know what does show up, check in, and respond? Your self-doubt. Every damn time. And she’s exhausting, isn’t she?

Now let me tell you something radical: You are not “too much.” You’re just asking someone emotionally constipated to digest a full-course meal of human intimacy—and babe, he’s still chewing on dry toast.

This isn’t love. This is a trauma flashback in better lighting. And those “maybe”s? They’re just anxiety’s karaoke version of logic. Catchy, but off-key.

So what now?
Delete the thread. Yes, the one you keep rereading.
Unfollow the ghost. You’re not haunted. You’re healing.
Write down what you actually want in a relationship. And if his name doesn’t show up by line two? You’re free.

You don’t need closure. You need clarity.
And here it is: You’re not hard to love. He’s just out of emotional bandwidth.

Let him lag behind in the group chat of your life. You? You’ve got spirals to wear, muffins to become, and better “maybes” to chase.

Love you like carbs on a breakdown day.
– Auntie 💋

Got something half-baked and emotionally gooey?

Slide it into Auntie’s inbox. Whether it’s undercooked feelings, overdone spirals, or just another batch of existential dread, she’s preheated and ready.

She might not sugarcoat it, but she’ll always serve it warm—with a side of sass and a self-awareness wink.

The mixing bowl’s open. Whisk wisely.

Shipping & Second Chances

Delivery drama? Emotional misfire? We’ve got you.
Whether your chaos is en route or your tee didn’t pass the vibe check, we offer tracking links, returns, and try-again rituals.
No guilt. No shame. Just fresh starts—frosted lightly.
Learn how it works!

Care & Crumble Prevention

Because your garment—and your soul—deserve gentle cycles.
Wash cold. Hang dry. Whisper affirmations into the fabric if needed.
These pieces are emotionally ventilated and may flake under pressure (just like you).
Treat with care, or at least pretend to.
See full care guide.

Ask Auntie!

Spiraling? Ghosted? Still thinking about that thing you said in 2016?
Drop your emotional muffin mess in Auntie’s inbox.
She’ll roast you gently, hold you fiercely, and reply when the moon’s in retro shade.
It’s not therapy. It’s wisdom with edge.
Ask Auntie!

We bring comfort, clarity, and comedy to the emotionally rich (and occasionally unhinged) lives of those who know that growing up is messy, healing is nonlinear, and humour is holy.

Cracked but glowing since 2025
Made with equal parts burnout and butter.