



















I Sparkle, You Squint Super Femme Tee
Pickup currently unavailable
For those who radiate so unapologetically that bystanders have no choice but to shade themselves. This isn’t “shine bright like a diamond” energy—this is “polished under pressure, darling” energy. The kind of glow that comes with receipts, boundaries, and a side of burn-out-turned-breakthrough.
Perfect for brunches, exits, and entrances.
The Fit & Feel:
• 100% ring-spun cotton—soft yet sturdy, like you
• Garment-dyed—richer color, lived-in soul
• Relaxed fit—for when life tests your stretch
• Reinforced stitching—built to hold, even when you can’t
FYI: This print uses a risograph-inspired texture.
That slightly grainy, layered look? Totally intentional.
We love it for the same reason we love growth—it’s uneven, emotionally charged, and surprisingly beautiful.
Made to order—like all good things in life. Your piece is created just for you: slowly, intentionally, and without wasteful stockpiling. That’s why it takes a little longer to arrive—because chaos deserves care, not overproduction. Thank you for letting us bake this with intention.
This size guide shows product measurements taken when products are laid flat.
Pro tip! Measure one of your products at home and compare with the measurements you see in this guide.
| Size Label | Length (in) | Width (in) |
|---|---|---|
| S | 27 | 20 |
| M | 28 | 21 |
| L | 29 | 23 |
| XL | 30 | 25 |
| 2XL | 31 | 26.5 |
| 3XL | 32 | 28 |
| Size Label | Length (in) | Width (in) | Sleeve (in) |
|---|---|---|---|
| S | 27 | 20 | 23.5 |
| M | 28 | 21 | 24 |
| L | 29 | 23 | 24 |
| XL | 30 | 25 | 24 |
| 2XL | 31 | 26.5 | 24 |
| 3XL | 32 | 28 | 24 |
| Size Label | Inseam (in) | Waistband (in) |
|---|---|---|
| XS | 28 | 28 |
| S | 29 | 30 |
| M | 30 | 32 |
| L | 31 | 34 |
| XL | 32 | 36 |
| 2XL | 33 | 38 |
| Size Label | Length (in) | Width (in) | Sleeve (in) |
|---|---|---|---|
| S | 26 ⅝ | 18 ¼ | 16 ¼ |
| M | 28 | 20 ¼ | 17 ¾ |
| L | 29 ⅜ | 22 | 19 |
| XL | 30 ¾ | 24 | 20 ½ |
| 2XL | 31 ⅝ | 26 | 21 ¾ |
| 3XL | 32 ½ | 27 ¾ | 23 ¼ |
| Size Label | Chest (in) | Body Length (in) |
|---|---|---|
| XS | 14 | 26 ¾ |
| S | 15 | 27 ⅜ |
| M | 16 | 28 |
| L | 17 | 28 ⅝ |
| XL | 18 | 29 ¼ |
| 2XL | 19 | 29 ⅞ |
| Size Label | Length (in) | Width (in) |
|---|---|---|
| S | 28 | 18 |
| M | 29 | 20 |
| L | 30 | 22 |
| XL | 31 | 24 |
| 2XL | 32 | 26 |
| 3XL | 33 | 28 |
| Size | Width (in) | Height (in) |
|---|---|---|
| 15×15 | 15 ¾ | 15 ⅜ |
| Measurement Area | One Size (in) |
|---|---|
| Head Circumference | 21 ⅝ – 23 ⅝ |
| Crown Height | 3 ⅞ |
| Front Panel Height | 2 ½ |
| Visor Length | 6 ¾ |
Heads up on Sizes and Shipping
Sweetie, our HOODIES and SWEATSHIRTS like to play tight-to-get (they run small).
If you want that cozy and curled up fit, go one size up.
Your future self (and your future laundry cycles) will thank you.
And yes, the size guide is your friend.
Chaos is our brand, not your checkout experience.
USD 7.99 / CAD 10.99 flat rate shipping • Free shipping over USD 75+ / CAD 100+
We kept this part soft on purpose.
Shipping & Second Chances
Delivery drama? Emotional misfire? We’ve got you.
Whether your chaos is en route or your tee didn’t pass the vibe check, we offer tracking links, returns, and try-again rituals.
No guilt. No shame. Just fresh starts—frosted lightly.
Learn how it works!
Care & Crumble Prevention
Because your garment—and your soul—deserve gentle cycles.
Wash cold. Hang dry. Whisper affirmations into the fabric if needed.
These pieces are emotionally ventilated and may flake under pressure (just like you).
Treat with care, or at least pretend to.
See full care guide.
Ask Auntie!
Spiraling? Ghosted? Still thinking about that thing you said in 2016?
Drop your emotional muffin mess in Auntie’s inbox.
She’ll roast you gently, hold you fiercely, and reply when the moon’s in retro shade.
It’s not therapy. It’s wisdom with edge.
Ask Auntie!
CHAOS MUFFIN
We make the voice in your head wearable, with humour, heart, and a wink. Perfect for anyone who copes, spirals, sparkles, or evolves.
Made with equal parts burnout and butter since 2025.


