White product with 'High Functioning Disaster Tote bag' design — Funny therapy gifts for emotionally fluent travelers.

Chaos Muffin

High Functioning Disaster Tote bag

$30.00

Color

Carry your groceries. And your emotional baggage.

This tote screams “I’ve got it together” while silently sobbing into iced coffee. Spacious enough for snacks, spirals, and that one emergency therapy worksheet you printed but never filled out.

It’s not just a bag. It’s a coping mechanism with handles.

The Fit & Feel:
• 100% polyester shell—lightweight but ready to carry your baggage
• Holds up to 44 lbs—yes, including your unresolved issues
• Cotton bull denim handles—strong enough for spirals and snacks
• 15" x 15"—the emotional support square you never knew you needed

Made to order—like all good things in life. Your piece is created just for you: slowly, intentionally, and without wasteful stockpiling. That’s why it takes a little longer to arrive—because chaos deserves care, not overproduction. Thank you for letting us bake this with intention.

Size Label	Length (in)	Width (in)	Sleeve length (in)
S	26 ⅝	18 ¼	16 ¼
M	28	20 ¼	17 ¾
L	29 ⅜	22	19
XL	30 ¾	24	20 ½
2XL	31 ⅝	26	21 ¾
3XL	32 ½	27 ¾	23 ¼

Size Label	Length (cm)	Width (cm)	Sleeve length (cm)
S	67.6	46.4	41.3
M	71	51.4	45
L	74.6	56	48.3
XL	78	61	52
2XL	80.3	66	55.2
3XL	82.6	70.5	59

Size Label	Length (in)	Width (in)
S	28	18
M	29	20
L	30	22
XL	31	24
2XL	32	26
3XL	33	28

Size Label	Length (cm)	Width (cm)
S	71	45.7
M	73.7	50.8
L	76.2	56
XL	78.7	61
2XL	81.3	66
3XL	83.8	71

Size Label	Chest (in)	Body Length from Hips (in)
XS	14	26 ¾
S	15	27 ⅜
M	16	28
L	17	28 ⅝
XL	18	29 ¼
2XL	19	29 ⅞

Size Label	Chest (cm)	Body Length from Hips (cm)
XS	35.6	68
S	38	69.5
M	40.6	71
L	43.2	72.7
XL	45.7	74.3
2XL	48.3	76

Size	Width (in)	Height (in)
15″×15″	15 ¾	15 ⅜

Size	Width (cm)	Height (cm)
15″×15″	40	39

Measurement Area	One Size (in)
A – Head Circumference	21 ⅝ – 23 ⅝
B – Crown Height	3 ⅞
C – Front Panel Height	2 ½
D – Visor Length	6 ¾

Measurement Area	One Size (cm)
A – Head Circumference	55 – 60
B – Crown Height	10
C – Front Panel Height	6.4
D – Visor Length	17.1

Chaos is our brand, not your checkout experience.
USD 7.99 / CAD 10.99 flat rate shipping • Free shipping over USD 75+ / CAD 100+
We kept this part soft on purpose.

Shipping & Second Chances

Delivery drama? Emotional misfire? We’ve got you.
Whether your chaos is en route or your tee didn’t pass the vibe check, we offer tracking links, returns, and try-again rituals.
No guilt. No shame. Just fresh starts—frosted lightly.
Learn how it works!

Care & Crumble Prevention

Because your garment—and your soul—deserve gentle cycles.
Wash cold. Hang dry. Whisper affirmations into the fabric if needed.
These pieces are emotionally ventilated and may flake under pressure (just like you).
Treat with care, or at least pretend to.
See full care guide.

Ask Auntie!

Spiraling? Ghosted? Still thinking about that thing you said in 2016?
Drop your emotional muffin mess in Auntie’s inbox.
She’ll roast you gently, hold you fiercely, and reply when the moon’s in retro shade.
It’s not therapy. It’s wisdom with edge.
Ask Auntie!

We bring comfort, clarity, and comedy to the emotionally rich (and occasionally unhinged) lives of those who know that growing up is messy, healing is nonlinear, and humour is holy.

Cracked but glowing since 2025
Made with equal parts burnout and butter.

High Functioning Disaster Tote bag

Shipping & Second Chances

Care & Crumble Prevention

Ask Auntie!

CHAOS MUFFIN

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